Ely for Ely: Conflict Resolution Basics

Conflict is a natural part of our lives. It's part of our home and family life, our work life, and often featured online and in the media we consume. Managing conflict is a necessary skill for making our lives easier. Rachel Hedlund, from Friends of the Boundary Waters, guided us through ways to manage conflict in the September 2025 Ely for Ely Monthly Gathering.

60% of communication is through body language, 30% is in our tone, and just 10% is the actual words we are saying. Because so much of the communication we engage in is nonverbal, conflict and miscommunication is an inherent part of our lives. In our workplaces, 53% of people avoid conflict, which can cost around $7,000 per year and over 7 work days of effort to avoid managing or working through conflict.

To start the journey toward managing conflict, practice your communication when things are going well. For example, own what you did and how it impacted others, both with mistakes and successes. Being able to recognize our success and it's impact on those around us allows us to see both the good and the bad, the opportunities for growth alongside what is going well.

How often does your team recognize what is working?

Finding space to communicate about the good on a more regular basis also gives us the tools to communicate when things go wrong. That foundation of rapport and respect will only make the conflict or challenge easier to work through.

When that conflict does arise, it's important to have that relationship and to know what type of conflict you're dealing with.

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Five Types of Conflict

In conflict there are two underlying components; a common goal and a desire to keep the relationship going. These two components determine what style of conflict is best and also how many people handle conflict in their lives. Knowing those two components can help you see the different types of conflict clearly.

The 5 types:

1. Avoiding - This is where the conflicted parties avoid further conflict. There is no common goal and no desire for a relationship.

2. Competing - When the conflicted parties compete, they have a common goal but do not desire a relationship.

3. Accommodating - When one party chooses to accommodate the other's needs, there is both a common goal and a desire for relationship, but the relationship is more important than the goal. The relationship is more important to one of the parties than the goal.

4. Compromising - This is a lose-lose strategy. Each party in the conflict gives up a piece of their goal or approach to reach a better place for the relationship. In this instance the relationship is more important for both parties than the goal.

5. Collaborating - This is a win-win strategy. Both parties are able to prioritize the relationship and work toward a common goal.

Think about conflict you've had in the past, either work or personal, what was your default type? What type would you like to use more often?

Each of the types of conflict are useful and necessary. The goal is to use each one intentionally. So, how can you work toward a more balanced use of conflict?

• Start recognizing the work others do. Hype them up! Tell the person themselves and others what you like about their work.

• Take positive and constructive ownership of your successes and your mess-ups. Recognize what you do well and what you can improve in your own work and life.

• Remember there is a gap between taking pride in your work and bragging. Encourage others to see the work they do as something to be proud of as well.

• Understand that this can be a difficult process and that when working with others and managing people, conflict is part of the process. Know that you can always pause to take stock of what is going on, what is the common goal, and what relationship needs there may be.

At the end of the day, conflict is part of our lives and the process of working together. Using the tools here, practicing honesty about our needs, goals, and relationship desires, we can find new and better ways to work together.